An Honest Vacation Reflection

The first week in October, we were on a family vacation to Myrtle Beach.  Last year, the Session of our church blessed us with a week stay to any of the Quiet Waters resorts.  After much discussion, Chris and I decided that it would be nice to have a family vacation in the fall with the kids.  It was hard finding a place big enough for our family, but Chris was persistent and found this resort in Myrtle Beach that was big enough for us and had some activities that we could do as a family.  While we were there, we were able to have some great family time playing cards and board games, going swimming each day and having an outing most days.  The kids even got to see one set of grandparents the first couple of days. 

On Sunday night, the kids were able to hang out with my parents.  They played games and got to stay up late.  Sadly, my mom had to head back to Georgia Monday afternoon because she had some deadlines at work that she needed to meet.  But before she headed back, we were able to spend the morning at the kiddie pool and splash pad. We were able to float on the lazy river and spend some time in the not- too-hot hot tub.  

In the not-so-hot hot tub with Mimi and Bup-Bup

After nap time, we headed to the indoor pool and swam until our hearts content. After dinner, my dad took us to get ice cream at one of the local ice cream shops.  The kids were in heaven getting this special treat…and let’s be honest, mom and dad weren’t complaining too much either!  😊  That night, my dad got a phone call which involved an unexpected thing he needed to take care of. He decided to head back the next morning to try to get it taken care of before heading to back to work towards the end of the week.  

We got up Tuesday morning to find Tobias was running a fever.  He and I spent the morning cuddling in bed and watching TV shows and playing Uno while the others went to the indoor pool.  Tobias was still running a fever after nap time, so he got to hang out with me some more while the others went to the pool.  As a special treat, he got to “swim” in the two-person jetted tub.  It wasn’t as great as the swimming pool, but he still had a good time. 

Hanging out with mommy while having a fever

Wednesday was a lazy morning…lots of cuddling in the king bed while watching TV shows, playing games, drawing and eventually a swim in the pool.  Before heading to dinner, we visited a local candy shop and each of the kiddos got to pick out ¼ of a pound of candy…ANYTHING they wanted!  You would have thought we handed them a million dollars!! After the candy shop, we headed to Medieval Times for dinner.  I honestly don’t know who had more fun…the kiddos or Chris!!  Both of the girls received a gift from the knight…Sophie received a flower and Kyrie received a sash that said “Queen of the Tournament.” What made the night even better was the fact that our knight won the tournament…the kiddos were beside themselves and even wanted to get his autograph! 

 

Medieval Times...our knight won!

Thursday was another fun-filled day.  We headed to Wonder Works for the morning.  The kids had SO much fun with the interactive stations…and mommy felt so much better feeling like we were getting some educational activities in!  😉  We all took an afternoon nap and then Chris headed to the pool with the kids while I kept sleeping! 😊  That night Kyrie started running a fever, but nothing too serious. It was hard to tell if it was allergy related or sickness.  

 

Wonder Works

Mommy had to get over her slight fear of heights to do this ropes course with these two!

We got up on Friday morning and Kyrie still had a low-grade fever.  We decided to have a less active day and headed to one of the state parks where we walked on the beach collecting seashells.  It was so nice to get out in the fresh air and just enjoy God’s beautiful creation!  After nap, we surprised the kiddos by taking them to the Sky Wheel…think BIG Ferris wheel with enclosed seating!  This was BIG for Chris since he doesn’t like heights, but the two older kiddos had been looking at the tourist pamphlet all week so he thought it would be great to surprise them.  I could tell the whole time this wasn’t fun for him, but I could also tell that he was enjoying the fact that the kiddos were having so much fun! After the Sky Wheel we had a quiet night at the condo.  

 

Walk on the beach

Sky Wheel

On Saturday we spent most of the morning at the condo and then got a quick swim in.  After nap we headed to a shoe store to get the kiddos some fall shoes. I may or may not have used some of my birthday money to buy me some new fall shoes, too! 😊  Then we picked up Chick-fil-a on the way home and then had our family movie night.  Everyone got tucked into bed for the night, and Chris and I enjoyed our last night of vacation by hanging out.  The next morning, we packed up and headed home.  We stopped to have lunch with a dear friend from our time in NOVA.  It was so sweet to see her and her 9-month old baby that doctors said would never be.   It was great to catch up with her since her recent move to NC. It was icing on the cake to end our vacation catching up with an old friend!

Hanging out with Arlene and Beckett!!

As you read about our week, some of you may be thinking that we had an AMAZING vacation!! That we got to have some good family time and watch our kiddos experience new things.  Don’t get me wrong…we did enjoy those things, but there is one SIGNIFICANT event that happened while on our trip!  I could have left this blog with all the happy and fun stuff, but the Lord has been very clear about what He wants me to share and why He wants me to share this event.

On Tuesday night, we got all the kiddos tucked into bed for the night and Chris and I stayed up to watch “This Is Us.”  We headed to bed shortly after that.  I started to doze off while Chris was reading.  I woke up to our neighbors being loud…yelling.  I will admit, I am one of those people who has no problem calling a front desk when neighbors are being too loud.  I mean it was after 11pm and they woke me up from their yelling!  Then all of a sound we heard the loudest bang ever followed by a bunch of screaming.  In that moment, I knew it was a gun that had gone off.  I started to panic and went to the front of the condo where the girls were (our room and the boys’ room were at the back of the condo).  When I went in there, Sophie was standing up by the window telling me, “Momma, we aren’t the ones making all that noise!”  I grabbed Kyrie who was still sleeping and told Sophie to come with me.  Chris was looking through the windows to figure out what was going on and then called the police.  The dispatcher said that someone had already called and the police were on their way.  I got the girls tucked into our bed and went to check on the boys who were sleeping through it all.  I was a complete mess…I was fearful because I didn’t know if the gun was going to be shot again.  All I could hear was screaming and crying!  I felt sick to my stomach!  I felt like part of me had been violated because here we were in a family friendly resort with a gun being accessed easily that could have harmed one of our children!   Once the police arrived, Chris decided to head out to let them know a pastor was available.  I am going to be real honest right now…I wasn’t happy about him doing that.  Here I was upset, and he was heading out to tell the police he was available if anyone needed a pastor…I wanted to say, “What about me?  What about the fact that I am upset over here and you want to go help others?”  I even thought, “Lord, can’t wait just have a family vacation without having to do ministry?”   My flesh was definitely at war!  When Chris came back in, he told me that he found out what had happened.  One of the teenage girls from next door got into a fight with her parents.  Her parents gave her a punishment for something that she had done, and she was so upset that she got the mom’s gun and then killed herself…just like that this girl’s life was gone.   When I heard what had happened, I felt like the biggest schmuck for thinking all of those selfish things.  This mom has to live the rest of her life knowing her daughter killed herself with the gun she brought on their family vacation.  I confessed how selfish I had been in the moments before. Then the Lord then reminded me that we NEVER get a break from living and loving like Jesus. It is a 24-7/365 day a year calling!   I did stop and say out loud, “Praise Jesus for keeping our girls safe…that there weren’t any stray bullets that came through the wall!” 

Chris and I got very little sleep…I think he may have gotten more than me because I kept getting up and checking on the kiddos and seeing if the police were still there.  I finally laid at the foot of the bed where the girls were sleeping because I wasn’t sure how much they had heard from the night’s event.  I wanted to be close by just in case they had a bad dream.    Wednesday was a hard day both physically and emotionally…we were SO tired!  We knew we needed to keep on with our trip even though I wanted to head home.  We also knew that at some point we were going to need to have a conversation with the girls to see how much they heard from the night before.  I fought against getting mad...I felt like I was forced to have a conversation with our girls that I didn’t want to have!  I asked a couple of friends to be praying for us as we prepared to have this conversation.  We knew we didn’t want to share any more details than necessary, but at the same time I wanted to make sure our introverted girls weren’t keeping anything inside.   So, we started off by asking them if they heard anything the night before.  Kyrie said, “Nope” and Sophie said, “I heard a bunch of screaming.”   I asked her how it made her feel to hear all that screaming. I gave her some descriptive words to help her.  And she said, “I thought it was strange that there were a bunch of kids screaming that late.”   Chris then explained that there was a really bad accident in the condo next door to us…that it was bad enough that the ambulance and police had to be called.  I asked her again how all that screaming made her feel knowing that the police and ambulance had to come.  Her response, “I still think it was strange to have all those kids screaming so late.”   And in that moment, I quietly praised Jesus.  Not only had He kept them safe physically, He kept them safe emotionally!!   The only thing I can think of why she associated all the screaming with kids is because when her and her siblings play outside they tend to do a bunch of screaming.   We tried to have a normal day for the sake of the kids, but it was hard.  Every time we walked by our neighbor’s condo, I felt anxious.  I didn’t know if they were still there…I didn’t know if there was another gun in there.  I felt so unsettled.  On our way home from swimming, we saw the mom in the parking lot packing up their car.  In that moment, part of me felt a small amount of relief.  I gathered the kiddos up and Chris stayed behind to talk to her…to see if she needed anything or if she needed to talk.  I started getting the kiddos cleaned up and ready for our afternoon adventures of a candy shop and Medieval Times. It was nice to get out of the condo for the evening…in the midst of a bunch of strangers I felt safer there than in our condo.   That night we got back and got the kiddos ready for bed.  We put the girls back in the room that they had been and then went to tuck in the boys.  Chris and I headed to the living room, and I just got this unsettling feeling over me.  I know I was going to stretch Chris, but I needed to ask…I needed for our girls to sleep in our decked out master suite.   I needed him to give up the double person jetted tub.  I needed him to give up the big screen TV that we had no problem watching from our king bed.  I needed the girls to be at the back of the condo protected by the wooded area instead of at the front of the condo exposed to everything and everyone.  Oh, how Chris was so gracious to me…how he loved me in that moment…how he didn’t give me a hard time about feeling so unsettled. Even though we got the girls moved into our room, it wasn’t enough to help me sleep well.  My mind was still replaying the yelling, the gunshot and those blood curdling screams.  My heart was still breaking for this mom who was traveling home with one less child.  I still was searching and asking God what He wanted me to learn from all of this.  I sat in silence.  There was no answer.    I did this night after night.  I searched…I sat in silence…there was no answer.  Then as we were packing up Sunday morning, I was thinking about posting all the pictures from the week and writing a blogpost.  I was going to share all of the GOOD highlights from our trip.  As I was thinking about what I would write, the Lord said, “Go take a picture of your neighbor’s condo door.”  I thought He was CRAZY, but after His persistence, I took the picture.  

And then He began speaking about transparency.  In this day and age, it is SO easy to create a picture-perfect life on social media. I could have easily done that when I posted pictures of our family vacation.  I could have shared all the fun things we got to do as a family…all the new things that the kiddos got to experience for the first time…all the wonderful family time we got to have.  But He finally answered me in the busyness of packing up our van that He wanted me to share what our family vacation was REALLY like.  He wanted me to share that even though I am a pastor’s wife, I am no different than any other disciple of Jesus…I struggle with my flesh…I didn’t want my husband to go minister to someone else when I was struggling myself. I didn’t want Chris to go offer his help because he was on vacation...he shouldn’t have to do ministry while on vacation!  And I struggled with walking in fear…fear of our neighbors having another gun…fear of our girls being left vulnerable in their room…fear of being judged if I actually share the thoughts that sometimes go around in my head.   

So, I share all of this because life gets messy. Things…ok, vacations…don’t go as we had planned.  Sometimes we have moments when we fight our flesh because in a particular moment we don’t want to live or love like Jesus.  But in those moments, I am thankful that He has far more grace than I could ever give to others or myself.  

 I questioned many times during our vacation why He had chosen us to be a part of this family’s tragedy. It is because He knew Chris would reach out and show them Jesus…He knew we would pray for this family every time we walked by their condo.  But there was so much more…He knew I needed to grow deeper in His grace and He knew I need to continue to learn to die to myself. 

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”  -2 Corinthians 12:8-9

“He (Jesus) must increase, but I must decrease.” John 3:30

So, friends...this was what our family vacation REALLY looked like.  Yes, we had some wonderful times together, but we also had moments that were hard...that stretched us.  There were moments that I wished I had responded more like Jesus instead of reacting to my flesh.  But through it all, Jesus was walking with us each step of the way...showing me that His grace is enough to help me decrease so that He can increase more in my life.