A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with the two ladies that I have been discipling this past year. I told them that Chris was starting Year 2 of Discipleship at the church and it would mean that they would transition into discipling another lady, if the Lord was leading them to do that. I also told them that he would be offering a class twice a month to walk with them and all the other people he had been discipling this past year as they began the journey of one-on-one discipleship. In short, they were graduating and our weekly meetings would be coming to an end.
At first, I was excited. I was ready to free up my weekly schedule a little bit. Between church and Hootie activities, we had something everyday from Sunday thru Thursday...not to mention homeschooling and day-to-day living. Most of the time Chris' days off were spent catching up on chores, running errands and squeezing in some family time. I was excited to be able to have a little more of a relaxed evening on the nights that I was typically discipling someone. Most nights that I discipled there was A LOT of fussing going on to get the Hooties in bed before I started discipling. Honestly, all that fussing wasn't the best way to get ready for discipling, but Chris was at the church either discipling or having a meeting so it was just me getting the Hooties ready for bed. I want to be VERY clear...I wouldn't change my last year of pouring into these ladies. I know without a doubt I was doing exactly what the Lord wanted me to do. Each week when I felt tired in the evening and didn't know if I would have the energy to get through the night, He would give me an extra burst of energy to meet with these ladies...He always provided.
The first day that I wasn't meeting with one of the ladies, one of the Hooties asked during our morning prayer time if the lady I discipled that night was coming over. I told them that she wasn't. They looked a little shocked. I told all of the Hooties that I was done discipling for awhile and that I was going to spend some time pouring into them...that I was going to be discipling them for awhile. The looks on their faces when I said that was priceless. It was almost as if they felt honored that their mom was going to spend time pouring Jesus into them...even though I do it on a daily basis. I think the fact that I don't go around saying I am discipling them made them think I don't. :) I was feeling good about the decision to not be discipling for awhile. My discipler has told me often over the last seven and half years that my kids are my first disciples and I couldn't agree more with her!!
But then it hit me last week that this was the first time in seven years that I wouldn't be discipling someone! I shared with Chris and a good friend about my struggle, and I am thankful for the hard questions they asked me. One of them asked if I was struggling with thinking that I needed to keep my hand in the midst of discipling because I felt like I had more experience and could do a better job. The other asked if discipling had become my identity. Let me tell you, those were not fun questions to be asked, but I am thankful for people who aren't afraid to ask the hard questions! The Lord and I had already spent some time working through those questions, and I can confidently say that I am not struggling with either of those issues.
As I continued to pray and spend time with the Lord, I feel like part of me is mourning as this door of discipleship is being closed for a time. I don't know why a part of my feels sad about that. Maybe it is because I have such a passion for discipleship...for encouraging ladies as they encounter God in a whole new way...for being able to witness God moving in the life of another and having a front row seat to it all...to being able to pray with a woman as she reaches for the higher bar that Jesus is calling them to...to simply walk with a women as she takes one step after another as she learns to empty herself out and be filled back up with Jesus.
I am not sure how long this door will be closed, but one thing I have learned over the years of being discipled is to trust the One who has created me. I am trusting Him with this extra time as He asks me to be more intentional in my relationship with Chris and the Hooties. I am trusting Him as He has brought new friendships into my life and using this extra time to invest in those friendships. I am trusting Him with this extra time to love others like Jesus without feeling like I have to rush to the next activity in our day. I am simply trusting Him to be still and to rest in Him.
As I enter into this new season, I feel like the Lord has called me to embrace this season as a type of sabbatical. Since studying about spiritual disciplines this summer, I have been praying and seeking on how to make our days more restful. I have been praying and seeking on how to give our family a day of rest on one of Chris' days off.
The Lord has given me practical things to do. He has helped me to rearrange our cleaning/chore schedule. He has encouraged me to switch our leftover night to our day of rest. I have submitted to switching when I run errands during the week, so we aren't doing it on Chris' day off. I am listening ever so carefully to Him before committing to an activity. I am truly trying to seek Him and His ways to reclaim a Sabbath day for our family.
At first it was hard to rework our schedule. I tend to be a creature of habit. My mind set is if something is working then why change it. But as I began to seek the Lord, I realized what we were doing wasn't really working. Chris and I have continually been in a state of tiredness. We would crash into bed at night exhausted. I would feel the guilty of fussing one too many times at the Hooties. I regretted missing one too many opportunities to love Chris and the Hooties well because I just wanted to check out for a bit. I couldn't count how many times I left hanging out with a friend and feeling like they hadn't received my best. And I won't even mention how often I shortchanged my time with God because I was either too tired or had to get to the next thing on our calendar.
As I enter into this new season, I will cling to Mark 6:31. It says,
"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.'"
So, I am looking forward to this next season. This time could last a few weeks, months or even a year(s). I have no idea how long this sabbatical will last, but I know the One who is in charge of my life. Until He tells me to disciple again, I will be spending my time intentionally loving Chris and the Hooties. I will spend my time nurturing those friendships that the Lord is blessing me with in VA Beach. And lastly, I will be spending time being still before the Lord and allowing Him to fill me up until my cup overflows.
