The last couple of weeks, I have found myself getting more and more anxious about our upcoming week and with that some of my old tendencies of perfectionism beginning to come to the surface. In my life perfectionism rears its ugly head and it comes out in different ways...getting up multiple times a night and remembering all the things I need to do which makes me EXTREMELY tired! I tend to stress eat...eating junk because things have gone badly and eating junk as a reward when things have gone well! I become detail focused...don't even get me started on that one! I tend to clean...it has been a long time since I vacuumed and mopped our whole house at one time...I usually do a rotation...but on Friday, the whole house got vacuumed and mopped! In my tiredness, morning exercise tends to be thrown out the window for a few more minutes in bed. And I even get to the point where I try to control as much in my life as I can so I don't feel so out of control! Or I go to the other extreme and I just completely check out not caring about anything. So as you can see....LOTS of unhealthy behaviors!
I have been trying to deal with this on my own the last couple of weeks. Admitting to the Lord when I haven't been making healthy choices. Celebrating when I did. But let me tell you...it has been EXHAUSTING! Lots of up and down roller coaster emotions.
Yesterday, I was feeling especially stressed thinking about our week and all the things the Lord has called us to do. Just so you know...I do know the word no. This week just happens to be a week when multiple things are happening at the same time.
Part of me felt a moment of relief when I remembered our church started something new two Sundays ago based on James 5:14-16
"Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
It is a time where the Elders of our church can pray for individuals. So, I found myself up at the front of the church praying for Chris' back...he hurt it on Friday and it was still bothering him, so he wanted to receive prayer for that. When we got done praying for him, I found myself standing in front of two of the Elders asking for prayer for myself. I shared how I have been fighting perfectionism the last couple of weeks and how I didn't want it to rear its ugly head this week. So, they prayed. I walked away feeling more encouraged...feeling like the Lord would get me through this week.
Well, last night I didn't sleep well. My first thought this morning was to stay in bed and sleep even though I had been running consistently the last two weeks. But I read my Bible and spent a few minutes praying and realized that I needed to get up out of bed...I needed to go for my run.
I typically listen to Pandora while I run. I get the free subscription so whatever song pops up, I listen to!
The first song: "Break Every Chain" by Jesus Culture
I thought to myself, "Oh...this is one of my favorite songs. What a great song to run to this morning!"
The second song: "Lord, I need You" by Matt Maher
When that song came on, I thought to myself, "Good one, God...I see what You are trying to do here."
The third song was: "Resurrection Power" by Chris Tomlin
By this time, the Lord has gotten my attention. I don't think it a mere coincidence that these particular songs have been played on my Pandora. My thoughts? "OK, Lord...what are you wanting to teach me?"
And then the fourth song came on: "The Well" by Casting Crowns. The Lord now has my full attention.
The first four lines...."Leave it all behind" The Lord reminded me how far I have come in my struggle with perfectionism...Leave it all behind. The Lord reminded me that one busy week doesn't mean that I have to go back to me old ways....Leave it all behind. That because I am His child, I have a resurrection power that can break every chain in my life...I just need to leave it all behind. When I have those moments of feeling stressed all I need to do is call out, "Lord, I need You" and He will be there...but I need to be willing to leave it all behind and seek after Him. So, as I go into this week I am feeling more encouraged. Today has been a doozy with lots of unexpected things coming up. There have been moments when I felt like things were out of control, but I have paused and called out, "Lord, I need You....I need You NOW!" And He has whispered..."Leave it all behind and come to the well."
