In January, I committed to read the Bible in a year. Throughout the Old Testament readings, the word "remember" is repeated over and over again. It is so easy for me to remember the joy-filled times in my life...marrying Chris, the births of our children, buying our first home, vacations, birthdays, etc. As I type those words, a smile comes across my face. And then there is the opposite of joy-filled times. There are those pain-filled events that I don't want to remember. I would rather say, "Been there, done that and you can keep the t-shirt!"
Easter is one of those times that is hard for me to remember. Twice in a five year period there was significant hurt that happened in our lives. The first event happened at the first church where we called to minister. The second hurt was leaving the second church where we were ministering. The details don't matter, but know that church hurt is VERY real and can sometimes cause more pain than hurt from friends and family members.
As Easter has gotten closer, I can't help but remember these life changing events. I want to skim over those pain-filled times, but the Lord is persistent. He is calling me to remember. I can't help but ask, "Lord, why did You choose for these life-changing, pain-filled events to happen around Easter?" My thoughts are He could have chosen ANY time in the calendar to have these things happen...it didn't have to be one of the holiest times in the Christian calendar!
I have been meditating and praying. The only thing that keeps coming up as I meditate and pray is the Lord wants me to remember. See these events weren't only life-changing, but they were also faith-building events.
But this morning as I was running the song "At the Foot of the Cross" came on my Pandora playlist. As I really listened to the words being sung, things become clearer.
"At the Foot of the Cross"
by Kathryn Scott
As I have walked through each of these pain-filled events, I had a choice. I could either hold on to them so tightly and allow them to destroy what little faith I had in the Lord or I could lay every burden down at the foot of the cross and allow Him to mold me into the person He is desiring me to become.
Let me be REAL honest here...it took me almost TWO years to lay the burdens of the first church hurts down at the foot of the cross. It was a painful two years, but that process was NEEDED.
It was needed because He needed to win my heart. It was needed because He knew I needed to trade in my ashes for His beauty. It was needed because He knew I needed to put on His crown of forgiveness. It was needed because He knew I needed to be willing to lay EVERY burden down at the foot of the cross and tell Him it wasn't mine to carry any more!
As I have been meditating on the words He wants me to write, the following verse from Isaiah comes to mind:
"to grant those who mourn in Zion--to give
them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead
of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they
may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he
may be glorified." -Isaiah 61:3
Oh, how appropriate is this verse! The reminder that the Lord brings beautiful things out of the pain-filled times. He does all that so He may be glorified!
Five years (first event) and one year later (second event), I honestly can't think of a better time for these events to have happened. Easter will never sneak by me on the calendar thus not letting me forget to remember all that the Lord has done in my life. How He used these events to draw me closer to Him. How He used them to grow an unwavering faith in Him. How He used them to grow an abounding trust in His plan for our lives. How He used them to grow a life of unhindered worship to Him in no matter what the circumstances.
