Zhiquan

It has been a long time since I have sat down to blog.  We have been pretty busy this fall as we started school, discipling, soccer, AWANA, leading a new Life Group, building new friendships...and sickness!  We are on our third week of being sick with two different illnesses.  There has been a definite blessing in all of this...we have slowed down.  Today as three of the Hooties are napping and one is off playing with a friend, I have a few minutes to myself.  I could be doing a thousand other things, but I am choosing to blog.  Oh, it is sweet therapy for my soul.

This morning, we were doing school.  It is a light week since Thanksgiving is a few days away.  We are reading LOTS of Thanksgiving books and doing some Thanksgiving crafts.  I decided to go pull out my Thanksgiving folder from my teaching days in NC.  And when I did, I saw this picture:

Ohh, the flood of memories that came over me when I saw this picture.  Zhiquan was a student that got transferred into my Transition First class one year.  If we are going to be honest, Zhiquan ended up in my classroom because he had behavioral issues.  When his kindergarten classroom had too many students in it, the principal told his teacher to put a few in my room.  At first, I was VERY frustrated because this teacher saw it as an opportunity to get rid of some students who had behavioral issues.  But little did I know that the Lord was going to use Zhiquan to grow me into more of who He desires me to be. 

Within the first couple of weeks as I began to learn more about who Zhiquan was, he began to have a special place in my heart.  Zhiquan at his young age, had been in and out of foster homes.  He had seen A LOT in his few years of life.  My heart broke as I learned more and more of his story.  But the Lord gave me the ability to see Zhiquan as He does...a broken child who needed to see the love of Jesus.

When he first got into my classroom, there was LOTS of testing of boundaries.  I think there was so much testing because he had lived in so many places with so many different rules.   Some days it was absolutely frustrating, but I think he was seeing if I was worth trusting.  In the end, consistency won!  A couple of months in, Zhiquan couldn't do enough for me.  He grew into being responsible.  He desired to do well for me.  He began to excel in his school work.  Now, don't get me wrong...it wasn't all peachy keen...but when he was off, I knew something was going on at home.

Today, as I write this blog, I wonder what has happened to Zhiquan.  I have tried looking on Facebook for him, but haven't been successful.  My heart wonders if he ever found his forever family. I have prayed often that he has...I have prayed that he got a mom and dad who were his BIGGEST fans and could encourage him to reach his potential.

As I reflect, I thank the Lord for allowing Zhiquan to be a part of my classroom...a part of my life.  I thank Him for using Zhiquan to grow me in compassion for those who are broken.  Reminding me that often times those who are acting out are the ones who have the deepest wounds.  I thank the Lord for using Zhiquan to grow me in seeing that wherever He places me is an opportunity to love like Jesus. I thank Him for using Zhiquan to plant the seed of one day adopting children who are in the foster system and giving them a forever home.

I pray that Zhiquan saw Jesus when he was in my classroom.  I pray during our year together, he  knew that he was loved not only by me, but by God.

Today, I am saying a special prayer for Zhiquan.  I am praising the Lord for this sweet child and giving Him thanks for all the good that came out of an at first frustrating situation.  And I am praying that Zhiquan  got a glimpse of His love for him and realized that there is One who has an ending/unconditional love for him. 

"Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." 

Psalm 106:1

My Rock

Today was another HOT and humid day (it was 113 with the heat index), so we headed to the church to run around inside to get rid of some energy.  We parked on the gravel driveway just so we wouldn't have to walk out in the heat for as long.  As I was unloading the Hooties, Tobias leaned over and started picking up a rock...and then another...and then another.  I was trying to coax him to come quickly so we could get inside where the A/C was.  But he kept stopping and admiring each rock...picking out just the right one.  This is our DAILY routine wherever we happen to go.  For some reason his rock collecting bothered me today.  But we were able to make it into the church without me losing it!  All you mommas out there know that was a miracle in itself!! We spent about 30 minutes doing obstacles and relays in the nice air-conditioned church.  The whole time, Tobias held on to his prized rock.  Just before we left the church to go get some lunch, he needed to go to the bathroom, so we stopped by the restroom.  While he was in there, he must of put his rock down because we got outside and he realized he didn't have it any more.  He got upset, but I told him that it was OK because we had plenty of rocks at home.  A part of me was secretly glad to not have one...more...rock to pick up. I could tell he was a little upset, but he didn't have a meltdown...another miracle I witnessed that day!!   But it didn't last very long because as soon as we got to the gravel driveway, he started looking again for just the right rock.  He began picking up one...and then another...and then another.  I felt myself starting to get frustrated...I just wanted to get in the van and start the A/C...not wait for him to collect all of his rocks.  And in that moment the Lord reminded me of this verse:

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
    my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 18:2

He reminded me that I need to be like Tobias...looking for my Rock in ever situation.  Being excited each time I encounter my Rock.  That I need to study my Rock in such a way that I am constantly learning something new about Him.  When I misplace my Rock...meaning not spending time with Him...then I need to be upset AND I need to go "looking" for Him again.  

As I was reading scripture and gathering my thoughts to write this blog, I came across this verse:

For you are my rock and my fortress;
    and for your name's sake you lead me and guide me;

Psalm 31:3 

I am so thankful in that moment today that the Lord spoke to me...that there was enough room in my frustration for Him to lead and guide me.  And now, when I walk through my front door and see this container of rocks, I will think of my Rock! 

Oh...this is one of three containers that collect rocks by our front door!

Standing in Amazement

Today, I just stood in amazement...after I got done being REALLY upset!! 

The kids and I had gone to Sam's to pick up a few things.  We had stopped at the food court to pick up pretzels for lunch...my plan was to add some cheese and fruit when we got home.  Some days we do a VERY simple lunch and today just felt like one of those days.  After getting our pretzels, we headed to the van to load up.  As we approached the van, the spot next to us was empty...I was thankful because it would allow me to get the kids in without having to squeeze between cars.  As one of the kids was getting in, Sophie noticed this big, white suburban backing up and brought it to my attention.  I thought the person would stop and allow the kids to finish getting in, but he didn't.  He just kept backing up...not quickly...but definitely no indication that he was going to stop and let me get the kids in the van and move our cart.  He got so close to me that I couldn't even get the cart to the  back to unload it. When he realized that he was going to hit the cart, he did pull forward enough for me to get the cart around the back.  I just stood there in amazement!  There was a lady who saw all this happening, and she rolled down her window and told me she wanted to apologize for the man being so rude and to let me know that there was no reason for him to have acted that way.  I thanked her after she told me to stay safe.  After she pulled away, I noticed that there was a spot just across the way in the next row...he didn't have to drive around to the row...he just needed to pull forward.  I just stood in amazement!!!  As I was getting back in the car, Josiah asked, "Mom, why was that lady apologizing to you?"  I explained to him that she was apologizing for the way the man was acting.  He then asked me, "Why was he being so impatient and not being a gentleman?"  I stood in amazement!!

I have NEVER done this, but today I did something that is totally out of my introvert comfort zone.  I wrote a note and left it under this man's windshield wiper.  It said:

Maybe next time you could show a mom with four kids a little more compassion and allow them to get safely into their car before thinking about getting into "your" spot...it would have been the gentleman thing to do.  It is sad that my seven year old son asked me why you weren't being patient and being a gentleman.  Signed "A Very Disappointed Mom"

As I put the note on the man's car, I stood in amazement!

On the way home, I was  still upset about what had just happened.  Has our society gotten so self-centered that a mom can't even put her kids in her car without worrying if the driver is going to hit them just so they can have a parking spot that is one row closer?  Do I really have that rare of jewel in my husband being a gentleman...and teaching our sons to be gentlemen?  

 I could have gone on and on with my questions, but then the Spirit reminded me what Josiah had asked, "Why was he being so impatient and not being a gentleman?"  I realized that in my own frustration that I never really answered Josiah's question.  I didn't want to spend time focusing on why I thought the man did what he did.  Instead, I wanted to focus on Josiah realizing that what the man was doing didn't seem right to him.  So, we had a conversation about why it didn't seem right to him for the man to pull into the parking spot like he did...his answer...because it wasn't the gentleman thing to do.  I asked him what it means to him to be a gentleman...his answer...to make sure that you treat people kindly...especially girls and kids.  I then asked him what he would have done if he wanted that parking spot and he saw a mom with four kids trying to get in their car...his answer...I would have waited until they had gotten in the car safely...I would have rolled down my window to see if I could have parked my car...I could have found another parking spot. I just stood in amazement!!!

After we talked, I wanted to bring today's event back to Jesus.  We opened our Bible and we read Matthew 7:12a:

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you." (NLT)

I am thankful that I didn't allow this event to ruin my day, but instead allowed Jesus to redeem the day.  I am thankful I paused long enough in my rantings to hear the Spirit tell me to have a follow-up conversation with Josiah.  And I am thankful that my initial standing in amazement on how this guy had acted was overtaken by standing in amazement on the young man Josiah is becoming. 

From Head to Heart

This past Sunday, we sang "Oceans" by Hillsong United at church.  As we were singing, I knew I was in the presence of the Lord.  The words coming out of my mouth weren't just a song to sing, but they were the prayer of my heart. 

Stepping out of the boat onto the water has always been hard for me for a number of reasons.  The two most prominent reasons are trust and control.  When we started out on  this life changing journey two years ago, I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life.  I was in a crippling position not knowing what we needed to do next.  I didn't see a solution to the situation we were in.  I was afraid...I was panicking...I just wanted a quick fix to make our life easy and comfortable again.  When you are at that point, you have two options...walk away from your faith in Jesus or reach out to Him.  I'm thankful that He gave me enough trust to reach out to Him...enough trust in Him when He called me out on to the waters that I went.  When I took the first step, I felt like I was sinking.  I didn't understand why I was sinking. But in my own humanness, I thought stepping out onto the waters was all I needed to do.  I thought stepping out of the boat was all the faith I needed to have.  But He wanted more for me.  He didn't want me to have this weak faith. No, He wanted me to have this unwavering faith that would stand strong in the stormy waters called life.  He wanted me to be strong in Him, so the next time some uncertainty came my way I wouldn't flounder in the crashing waves.

As I started on this journey, I was learning to let go of control.  I was learning to call upon His name. I was learning to trust Jesus. I was learning to keep my eyes above the waters searching for Him instead of focusing on all the crashing waves around me.  I was learning to rest in His embrace because I knew He had me on this journey to make me into the woman of God He wanted me to be.  I was learning that even during the storms, I was His and He was mine.

As my trust in Him grew, I began to realize in a new way what it meant for God to be in control of my life. I began to realize in a new way what it meant for Him to be my guide.  I knew about these truths, but they were head knowledge instead of heart reality.  As I was learning to make that transition from head knowledge to heart reality, there were times I thought I wanted control back.  In those moments, I stopped trusting what He was doing in my life.  Telling Him that I could handle it better than He could.  And often times when I was in those moments,  I was fearful.  But He would whisper to me that I was  His and He was mine.  He would whisper to me that He had not failed me yet and He wasn't about to start now. And with those soft whispers, I would hand control back over to Him knowing that my life was better in His hands than in my hands.

As my faith continued to grow deeper,   I was continuing to grow in keeping my eyes above the waters... searching for Him instead of focusing on all the crashing waters around me.  I was growing  in resting in His embrace because I knew He was continuing me on this journey to make me into the woman of God He wanted me to be.  I was growing in the heart reality that even during the crashing waves that I was His and He was mine.

Two years into this journey, my first response is to follow the Spirit where He leads. I am trusting Him in a way that I have never trusted Him before.  I am trusting Him as I walk upon the waters and knowing that He will take me deeper in my faith.  I know that He is making me strong as I walk with Him on the waters.  As I sit here typing this blog today, I call upon His name to keep me above the waters.  I rest in Him knowing that He has my life under His control.  I can do all of this because I know I am His and He is mine. He has taken my head knowledge and turned it into heart reality.

I know some are walking through stormy waters right now.  My prayer is for you to call upon His name...for you to keep your eyes on Jesus as the waters rise...for you to sit in His embrace knowing that you are His and He is yours...for your faith to grow deeper as the ocean waters rise.

Please take a moment to listen to the video below and sing to the One who knows what storms you are walking through right now...trusting Him every step of the way.

"Oceans" 

by 

Hillsong United

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

(c) 2012 Hillsong Music Publishing (admin. in the U.S. and Canada at CAPITOLCMGPUBLISHING.COM) (APRA)

Walking Humbly

Today, the Hooties and I were doing our Bible time.  We use the Virtue Training Bible.  Each day, I pick a virtue to focus on.  Today's lesson was on humility/being humble.

We started off by reading 1 Peter 5: 5b-7.

"God opposes those who are proud.  But he gives grace to those who are not. (Proverbs 3:34)  So don't be proud.  Put yourselves under God's mighty hand.  then he will honor you at the right time.  Turn all your worries over to him.  He cares about you."

Then, we read Romans 12:3.

God's grace has been given to me.  So here is what I say to every one of you.  Don't think yourself more highly than you should.   Be reasonable when you think about yourself.  Keep in mind the amount of faith God has given you." 

When I was reading these verses, I asked the Lord to help me bring the truth of walking humbly to life in a way that the Hooties could understand.  Nothing came right away, so we took a few minutes and talked about walking humbly and what that might look like.  Then we also talked about what it might look like if we walked around proudly.  The most common answer was walking around with our nose up in the air.  Then as we were getting ready to pray the Lord gave me an activity to do with them.  

We have a really long hallway that leads to all of the bedrooms.  I went and got some stuffed animals and set them down the hallway...some on the sides and some in the middle.  Then I brought the Hooties one by one with their eyes closed to the start of the hallway.  Before they opened their eyes, I had them put their nose up in the air...walking proudly.  I told them that they had to keep walking down the hallway looking up at the ceiling.  Once they got to the end of the hallway, I brought them into one of the bedrooms...they were still holding their nose in the air, so they couldn't see anything.  When we got into the bedroom, I asked them what stuffed animal they saw as they walked.  All of them said they didn't see any stuffed animals.  I then explained to them that when we walk around proudly, we often miss opportunities to minister to people that God puts in our path.  After talking about that for a little bit, we went back out to the start of the hallway.  I told the Hooties that each stuffed animal represented a person...this one was homeless, this one is a single mom, this one just had surgery, this one just had a baby.  I then had them walk back down the hallway, and we stopped at each stuffed animal and discussed how we could help a homeless person, a single mom, a person who just had surgery, a mom just having a baby.  

It was so neat watching the Hooties share how they would help each person.  I stopped and thanked God for giving me this illustration so we don't miss opportunities to serve others.  I thanked Him for using me to teach the Hooties this lesson.  After the lesson, we had a sweet prayer time.  The older children prayed these beautiful prayers of asking God to help them see opportunities to serve others.  And as I continue to reflect on this lesson, I seek Him knowing that He will place opportunities before us...all we have to do is walk humbly. 

Never Be the Same

"We go from glory to glory to glory

We'll never be the same, never be the same

You take us higher and higher and higher

We're forever changed, forever changed"

As we sang the above chorus to the song "Glory to Glory" by William Matthews, my heart was flooded with emotion! When you go through such fine tuning and stripping away like we have over the last two years, that season will always be a part of you...you can never forget those deep valleys you walked through.  

As we sat in the pew on the eve of Chris' first day of ministry at KPC, I couldn't help but to think back on how far the Lord has brought us.  I knew a part of me was the same person when we began this journey two years ago, but I also knew that I was forever changed.  

I know that there are some who are going through a waiting season.  There is a lot of uncertainty...a lot of pain...a lot of tears...a lot of questioning God...a lot of fear.  I want to encourage you, as one who has walked through a similar season.  The circumstances may be different, but the struggles are still the same. 

During the worship service, we read Psalm 40:1-3

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
    and he turned to me and heard my cry. 

 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
    out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
    and steadied me as I walked along. 

 He has given me a new song to sing,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
    They will put their trust in the Lord.

As you walk on this journey that the Lord is bringing you on, wait patiently for Him.  He is bringing you to glory and taking you higher.  You will never be the same and will forever be changed.  Cry out to Him knowing that He hears your cry.  Remember, our God is BIG!  He can handle any and every emotion that you throw at Him.  There were times, when I would YELL at God...I would tell Him how angry I was at Him.  I know some are gasping as they read that sentence, but I would be more concerned if a person stops talking with God.  A person needs to start worrying when the conversations with God stop.  Know that the Lord will lift you from your pit...it may be a week down the road...maybe a month...six months...a year...five years.  We don't know how long it will be, but remember that He is bringing you to glory and taking you higher.  You will never be the same and will forever be changed.  And when He sets you on solid ground, be ready to share what He has done in your life...what He has taught you...what He has brought you through...how He has changed you.  Because in those moments of vulnerability, God will use your journey to minister to others.  God will be lifted to His place of glory...He will be lifted higher and higher...and we will sing praises to Him for not keeping us the same...we will sing praises to Him for changing us forever.  And when we do, people will be amazed at what He has done.  And your journey could be exactly what the person God put in your life needed to hear, so they could put their trust in Him.  

So, my prayer for you as you go through this journey is to remember:

"We go from glory to glory to glory

We'll never be the same, never be the same

You take us higher and higher and higher

We're forever changed, forever changed"

 

Be Still

Yesterday morning as we got up and were getting ready to drive to NC, Sophie had told my mom that her stomach hurt.  She had told me Sunday night after dinner that her stomach hurt, but I thought it was because she had three helpings of dinner.  She never eats that much, but after spending most of the afternoon in the pool, I thought she was hungry.  A little while later, she was outside running around, so I thought she was feeling better. 

When I heard that her stomach was still hurting, I just wanted to cry.  We had already delayed our trip a day because Kyrie had been running a high fever.  Her fever had come down enough and her spunky personality had come back, so I figured she was well enough to travel.  Instead of making a decision in that moment, I decided that I was going to go take a shower and just talk with God about what I should do.

As I was taking my shower, I asked God why all this was happening.  I shared that we were just trying to get to VA so we could get settled before we start the ministry He was calling us to (like He needed for me to tell Him that!! Hahaha!!) And then I asked Him for some insight because I didn't want to travel if He didn't want me to.  Then as I waited, I heard the word "personality."  I stood puzzled and asked, "Personality? What does that mean?"  And in that moment a flood of memories came back from my childhood days of moving because my dad was in the Air Force.  I remembered getting anxious before a move...I remembered getting sad leaving the few friends I had made...I remembered the stomachaches.  I thanked the Lord for revealing this information to me, and I finished getting ready so I could go talk with Sophie.

I called her into my bedroom and asked her if she thought her stomach hurt because she was sick or if something else was bothering her to make her stomach hurt.  The next thing I knew, she was cuddled next to me crying.  I just held her and rubbed her back.  After she calmed down a bit, she told me that she was sad to be leaving her Awana friends...nobody specific, but just being at Awana with her friends.  Since we are both introverts, I totally could relate to what she was feeling.  I shared with her about the difference between an extrovert and an introvert.  I explained to her that we are both introverts.  I related to her about how I felt when I was her age and had to move.  And then, we prayed.  We prayed for God to bring peace to her heart.  We prayed for safe travels.  We prayed for that special friend that God already knows about just for Sophie.

I thanked God for that moment because being an introvert I saw the amazing-ness of  the fact that she shared with me something so personal.  I was thankful because she trusted me enough to share her worries.  I was thankful because we had this opportunity to bond as mother and daughter.

I share this to ask you for prayers for Sophie...and Kyrie (largely, she is having a hard time in new situations).  To pray that God will send that special friend for them.  I also share to encourage you to go before God with anything and everything.  He STILL speaks to us.  He STILL gives us insight into situations.  He STILL wants to lead and guide our every step and decision.  He STILL wants to walk with us through each and every moment of every day.  All we have to do is BE STILL.

^{This morning as I was waiting for the kids to get up, I came across this verse!  How AMAZING is He?!?!}